In Death, Life Prevails

I've stood on this precipice before. We both have.

In the midst of our infertility pain and failed adoptions, I suddenly found myself entertaining what it must be like to die and not know God.  The darkness was heavy that night. It pinned me down mercilessly as I doubted my salvation.

I had heard and have taught that one way we know whether God is speaking or not is to listen to the nature of the voice. Is it hopeful or is it condemning?

Spiralling down the staircase of introspection, entertaining that perhaps our salvation was not authentic, is both dangerous and misguided. Salvation happened long before I believed. Jesus paid the price once and for all. It is finished!

But something came alive in me and continued to grow - it grows still! - the day I first believed. This new life of surrender emerges out of and away from self, into the spaces that are Christ and His life within me.  

So this trip to the cellar of the soul, with condemnation’s despair and terror pretending to light the way, well...you and I don’t need that! For right there amidst all those heavy, suffocating words, firm and steadfast like a boulder in the sea, is the Voice of Truth. These words correct and give life; they affirm and propel us forward, encouraging steps ahead.

I need you more than breath itself, Father... God. For my own heart condemns me, stands over me with pointing-finger judgement and unforgiving ‘tude.  Then it pumps me up with self-induced hope and flimsy positivity as it pushes me out through the curtain onto the stage of public opinion where arrogance and inferiority await as a supporting cast. 

Arrogance and Inferiority, you are NOT my friends! 

Truth, clothed in Humility and Compassion, take my hand as you embrace correction and dive deep into the pool of Empowering Grace. 

Lead on, You who have become my Will and Power to do all that You desire. Lead me through wind and wave, past and beyond my human pride.

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me...You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies...Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” - psalm 23:5-6

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there...even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.” - psalm 139:7-12

You are Good, oh God my Father!

Already there in 

life’s

     darkest

          hole.

Love prevailing, table set,

The richest fare in the enemy’s lair.

While despair is real and sure as fire,

Even there 

Your

     Life 

         prevails;

Death’s a liar.

Higher, wider, deeper still,

Over ALL is 

Your 

     Good 

Will!

Where have you seen Life prevail over death in your heart?

If you wish to share your story, I welcome your comment below or you can email me at: eppik5@gmail.com. I hope that you have been encouraged in your reading!

The Story Behind the Birthday

I'll never forget that look. Eyes wide open. Glazed with shock. Expressionless.

My little boy was whisked from his orphanage home of eight  months, away from familiar faces and language and food, placed in the arms of a complete stranger and driven down the mountain to the capitol city. A quick night in a hotel then on to a plane and several hours later, poof! He’s on completely foreign soil surrounded by complete strangers. 

Do you recall a time when you felt really out of place?

Thinking about all this - abrupt and overwhelming change - makes sense of that first image I have of my son. 

From this side of the adoption process, in the tumultuous wake of the storm that is infertility, we are elated and consumed with relief in these moments of arrival and reception. The ache, the void, the intense longing for a child is being filled. A young mother’s childhood dream is coming true! But...

Recently, my wife and I were talking about what it must be like for them, for the children being adopted, especially those being quickly transitioned from a sense of normal (no matter how awful) to another time and place all together. Our Gabriel from a Guatemalan orphanage. Our Lydia from the hospital just hours old. Our Abby from the hospital room and out the back door, screaming.

We typically think that they are so blessed to have a family that loves them, that chooses them. And they are! But the deeper soul realities for those children - our children, all three -  leave them confused, anxious, afraid, displaced (though relocated)… 

Today he is turning 15! Believe me when i say that he has come so far. Each of them have!

Today’s celebration infers so much more than what it did for me and my wife when we were teens. Growth and transformation has required so much more for him and our daughters. Our families were relatively stable, our pregnancies wanted, our futures fairly stable and rooted in a nuclear family. The process from womb to family to home to future was relatively seamless, a stark contrast to the stormy and uncertain beginnings of those we have chosen to be ours, chosen to love and cherish and hold.

No doubt, adoption in its truest form is a beautiful thing. Really beautiful!!! And I would recommend it whole-heartedly! 

But it does not come without a cost for those tiny vulnerable lives, a cost that must be paid in order to move forward, yet no less traumatic.

The adopted child is typically seen as the luckiest recipient of the process. (Yes, there is a cost far beyond financial expense.) We may even go so far as to demand their profession of such rich fortunes as to inherit such an awesome family as ours...all the while unaware of the pain they bear beyond the reaches of their own comprehension. 

So today, the Happy birthday greeting and celebration comes with a profound sense of awe in the forces of Grace and Mercy in the lives of this young man and his sisters. The giving of gifts honors so much more than normal childhood development and the passing of another year of survival and accomplishments and gains. 

Understanding the story beyond the face is a lesson I have been learning the past couple of decades for certain. If this is wisdom, then i’ll have some more please! For this simple piece of education has brought and will yet bring such wealth, such fullness of relationship. There is much more to learn, and much more of them - of him - to know.

With that thought and that anticipation I say, “Happy birthday, Son!”

Who's backstory can you take time to learn this week?

Forgiven to be Livin' for Grace

Grace doesn't just pardon me, it changes me.

"Be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God. That energy is God's energy, an energy deep within you, God Himself willing and working at what will give Him the most pleasure." Phil. 2:12-13 MSG

Do you like Spring?

Allergies aside, and second only to Fall, I love Spring!

Our family recently spent a day at Callaway Gardens, GA over Spring Break. Everything it seemed was in full bloom! 

April's colors were bursting everywhere like fireworks, their sweet aromas besting the pungent smells of gunpowder and sulphur by a million degrees of pleasant.

This annual explosion of life excites me!  Dormancy and death give way to an unseen power. The old falls away like the shell of a rocket speeding towards orbit. 

Life will have its moment once again!

Nowhere is this metamorphosis more notable than in the Garden's Butterfly House. 

On display for all to see, paper maché-like shells hang by a thread, dry and still. Different shapes and sizes, these cocoons start splitting open as beautifully delicate, detailed creatures emerge.  What a fascinating process!

What once was, has transformed into something new. 

While I can tell you the moment I first heard God's voice, I cannot identify exactly when I first believed that Jesus was who the Bible said he was. But I did and I still am! It was and is a process of leaving old thoughts, patterns and habits behind in exchange for new ones.

Grace can be like that, starting small and unseen yet growing, pushing deeper, upwards all at the same time until emerging a tender shoot before maturing into a bountiful, fruit-bearing organism in time.

We might call this spiritual transformation process, discipleship.

Ah, discipleship. An oftentimes forgotten or clumsy word with too many different or even unrealistic meanings for us to take it seriously let alone know how to apply it.

But what if everything we do, say, think and feel were actually a part of this Grace process? What if Grace is to be transforming every part of our lives, every moment, every day fulfilling Grace's purpose in and through us?

What do you think? How is Grace transforming you?